A Herd Of Cows
Treat the meat lover in your life to a herd of 41 Aberdeen Angus cattle, new this season from Omaha Steaks.
Sharp Knife
Look at it. Just look at how its edge glints in the light. Imagine its cold handle clenched in your fist. Imagine the freedom it could give you—the freedom you’ve been craving for so long. Could it solve all your problems?
8 Hours As A Disney Mascot
Use this pass for an immersive day-long experience walking through any Disney-brand park worldwide while dressed in an official Goofy, Mickey, Elsa, or Buzz Lightyear costume.
Beats By Blé
Engineered to the strict specifications of Canadian jazz-pop crooner Michael Bublé, these high-quality studio headphones provide exceptional clarity and tonal fidelity. Enjoy the audio precision demanded by the star of NBC’s Michael Bublé: Home For The Holidays with the very same headphones worn by the adult contemporary master himself. Your favorite easy-listening renditions of timeless standards and Christmas classics never sounded so Blé-zing!
Handcrafted Soaps Your Aunt Will Fucking Shit Herself Over
One look at these artisan-crafted, small-batch soaps and your aunt is guaranteed to shit all fucking over herself. She’ll completely drench her drawers in her own fecal matter when you mention that each bar features fragrant lavender and chamomile essential oils. Available individually or in bowel-clearing sets of six.
Tennis Helmet
Prevent bumps, bruises, and more serious conditions like “tennis head” with this protective polycarbonate helmet, which features a padded inner lining and ventilated shell. Includes free albuterol inhaler while supplies last.
Friendship Scissor
There’s no better gift for your bestie than half a friendship scissor. You can each wear one half of the scissor around your neck, and when you get together, you’ve got a full pair!
Bag Of Teeth And Pine Cones
Does that special someone on your list love pine cones, teeth, or both? Then this bag’s for you! Ideal for crafts and school projects. Also makes a great decoration when poured into a bowl.
Rinds
There’s no better gift than the gift of rinds! We’re talking watermelon rinds, kiwi rinds, orange rinds, grapefruit rinds, lemon rinds, and mango rinds, because you know what they say: You can’t go wrong with a rind!
Toy
Kids and children alike love toy.
Lawn Master 96-Piece Rake Set
Before your dad goes out to take care of those leaves piling up in the yard, he’ll love taking a few solid hours to put together this easy-to-assemble rake that comes in 96 individual pieces. It’s also just as fun to disassemble!
Pants
You could get someone pants, like a nice pair of chinos or some dress slacks. People also like jeans and sweatpants.
Pictures Of Them Through A Telephoto Lens At Compromising Times
Sometimes, the best gifts are homemade, created over several months, and taken through windows at times when the recipient didn’t know they were being watched.
Bold By Ken Watanabe
This signature cologne by acclaimed Japanese actor Ken Watanabe was personally formulated by the Memoirs Of A Geisha star himself and comes in three elegant scent expressions: sage, oakmoss, and sandalwood. Presented in a deluxe limited-edition gift box.
Flames Of The World Collection
Eight of the world’s signature flames can be yours with this collector’s set of handcrafted fires made from a variety of flammable materials from around the globe. Includes Zimbabwe thatch hut, old-growth forest, jagged wreckage, Appalachian tinder, residential, chemical plant, Tokyo five-alarm, and sagebrush.
Kohl’s Retail Outlet Department Store
Offering a wide variety of brand-name apparel, home products, kitchenware, and electronics. Perfect for that someone on your list who already has everything. 86,000 square feet.
800 Pounds Of Turf
Spare no expense and build a football field that would fill any pro with envy.
Your Sister Nancy’s Baby Blanket Found While Cleaning Out Your Dead Parents’ Attic Alone Since Nance Said She’d Help But Instead Went On A Trip To Costa Rica With Her Alcoholic Boyfriend
Finders keepers, Nance. It’s now the dog’s.
Ham
Ham!
Mitsubishi LaserVue 75-Inch Novelty TV
Send friends and family into fits of hysterics with this hilariously oversized television that measures 3 feet tall and over 5 feet wide! The comically large images, presented in high-definition 1080p, are guaranteed to leave your guests doubled over in laughter.
The Gnarled Talon Of A Hawk
“Scree, scree!” This gnarled hawk’s talon is the perfect stocking stuffer. Put it on the mantel, nibble on it, or simply use it to scratch a friend!
Portable Pocket Fireplace
Need to keep warm on the go? Simply light this small 6-inch fireplace, open the tiny flue, and put it in your front pocket to stay nice and toasty for hours! Includes real working mantel and three starter slivers for fuel.
150-Disc ‘Supernatural’ Box Set
Listen to the hit 1999 Santana album Supernatural the way it was meant to be heard—on 150 compact discs! Enjoy each and every level check, all the used and unused instrument and vocal tracks, and an extended 14-disc version of “Smooth” featuring Rob Thomas!
64-Gigabyte USB 2.0 Flash Drive Made Of Ice
Store thousands of songs, movies, and documents on this portable 64-gigabyte thumb drive made of frozen water. Must be kept at 32 degrees Fahrenheit or below at all times.
Crate Full Of Otters
Some are alive, many are dead. Crate measures 48″ x 32″ x 30″. Please allow six to eight weeks for shipment.
