The Academy Awards: Honoring The Greatest Achievement In Shameless Self-Indulgence
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Final Installment Of Frogger Trilogy Poised To Sweep OscarsMartin Scorsese’s Next Film To Be Three Hours Of Begging For OscarOscars Reveal Widening Gap Between Best, Worst DressedPeter O’Toole Objects To Being In Oscar Death MontageCGI Team Creates Realistic Oscar For Michael BayDennis Quaid Not Up For Any OscarsChristian Bale Given Neutered Male Statuette Named OscarBrad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Arrive On Oscar Red Carpet 12 Hours EarlyBen Affleck Nominated For Best Friend Of Matt DamonBradley Cooper Racks Up Staggering One Oscar Nominations240 Killed In Stampede After Bucketful Of Oscars Just Dumped On StageDaniel Craig Takes Home Pretty Good Actor AwardUnsuspecting Movie Stars Follow Fake Red Carpet Into Back Of Kidnappers’ Van’Les Misérables’ Takes Home Oscar For Most SoundDelusional Man Somehow Thinks He’s Going To Get Oscar Nomination‘12 Years A Slave,’ ‘Captain Phillips,’ ‘American Hustle,’ ‘Wolf Of Wall Street,’ ‘Blue Jasmine,’ ‘Dallas Buyers Club,’ ‘Her,’ ‘Nebraska,’ ‘Before Midnight,’ And ‘Philomena’ All Written During Same Continuing Education Screenwriting ClassAcademy To Give Runners-Up Detailed Progress Reports Outlining Where Stars Can ImproveJennifer Lawrence Stuns In Oscar De La Hoya GownMonths Of Painstaking Practice Critiquing Celebrity Fashion Comes Down To This For Area WomanOscars Attendees Cower In Awe As Disembodied, All-Knowing Voice Proclaims Information About Nominees‘Access Hollywood’ Reporter Vows To Get To Very Surface Of StoryNation Rallies Behind Embattled Celebrity GownMan Reserving Judgment On Best Actress Nominees Until Looking At All 5 PicturesDolby Theatre Hunchback Stares Longingly At Beautiful Guests From RaftersHollywood’s Biggest Stars Endure Long Lines At Oscars Security ScreeningNation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room TogetherNo One Sure If Academy Awards After-Party Going To Have FoodLeonardo DiCaprio Hopes He Screamed And Cried Good Enough In ‘The Revenant’ To Win OscarLeonardo DiCaprio Kisses Bear Before Going Up To Receive OscarLeonardo DiCaprio Morphs Back Into Hairy, Overweight Iowan After Finally Receiving Oscar
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