Goldman Sachs
Though employees at Goldman Sachs work long, demanding hours, they are able to enjoy the unique luxury of having a dedicated 535-person team of U.S. congressmen working around the clock to cater to their every need. Between easing annoying filing requirements, offering discounted tax rates to the company and its highest-earning employees, or just reminding personnel they can do whatever they set their minds to, this army of legislators and federal financial regulators is always available to give Goldman Sachs bankers a pat on the back and help them do what they do best.
Hilton Hotels & Resorts
Employees of this international hotel chain enjoy numerous job perks, but none is more appealing than the privilege of being allowed to enter guests’ rooms after they leave for the day and put on whatever clothes they please. Using their special employees-only room keys, all Hilton staffers—from bellhops to hotel managers—are allowed to slip into any garments that guests have in their luggage, often wearing them around the premises as they continue their work, before returning later in the day and carefully putting them back exactly as they found them.
Grounds For Thought Café
At this independent café in Lawrence, KS, employees get to feel the unbelievable rush of power that comes with being the sole distributor of Wi-Fi passwords. While they typically earn no more than $10 an hour and do not receive comprehensive benefits, workers experience a thrilling adrenaline high dozens of times per day by serving as the all-powerful gatekeepers of the café’s “CoffeeBean” wireless network, unleashing an intoxicating flood of endorphins through their body every time they give a knowing half-smile and, in an ever so slightly lowered voice, bestow their godlike knowledge on another patron.
USAA Insurance
Whereas many companies enact strict policies against coworker relationships, executives at USAA Insurance have worked hard to cultivate a boundaryless zone of free love and rampant sexual experimentation within the office. The 92-year-old company, which offers comprehensive home, life, and auto insurance, eschews common guidelines against workplace romance by actively encouraging agents, managers, support staff, and interns to sate their most primal carnal desires wherever they please on USAA’s San Antonio corporate campus or at any of its hundreds of local offices nationwide.
S.K.U.L.L. Corp.
Located in a vast, heavily guarded complex and overseen by a shadowy CEO known only as “S,” this secretive conglomerate, which specializes in munitions, advanced robotics, private mercenary services, and biochemical agents, lets its employees bring their dogs to the office. As they develop experimental neurally disruptive pharmaceuticals and work toward acquiring controlling stakes in all the world’s water processing plants, workers are given the option of having their pet sit beside their desk or dropping it off at S.K.U.L.L. Corp.’s Pooch Pals dog-sitting service. S.K.U.L.L. employees also have access to a sprawling dog park at company headquarters, complimentary full-body radiation suits for the implementation of Global Phase 2, and free Milk-Bones in each floor’s Doggy Den.
