According to the National Assessment of Educational Progress, test scores among American children are the lowest they’ve been in decades, dropping sharply since 2020. The following are real test answers that illustrate just how far the nation’s school system has fallen.
Q: Ryan has a pie with six pieces. He offers half of them to Lucy. How many does he have left?
A: All of them. TikTok videos have given Lucy an eating disorder, and she’s hoping to hit her goal weight of 60 pounds before second grade starts in a few months.
Q: The capital of The United States is ____.
A: Where my dad and his friends got arrested.
Q: The Earth is how many years old?
A: The correct answer is either 4.5 billion years or 4,000 years depending on which state is administering the test.
Q: What do the symbols on the American flag stand for?
A: The stars represent the 50 states, the stripes represent the 13 original colonies, and the skull represents the Punisher.
Q: How many continents are there?
A: Only, like one and a half that matter.
Q: If Ben has 25 toy cars and gives 12 to Jim, how many cars will he have left?
A: Ben is a sucker! Never give away any of your toys.
Q: World War II was fought by ____.
A: Good people on both sides.
Q: What are the three branches of the U.S. g
A: Judicial, crunchy, and spicy.
Q: The Emancipation Proclamation freed whom
A: My Dad says this is a bad question because all those slaves were actually happy that white people civilized them.
Q: What is America’s n
A: The AR-15.
Q: What do historians consider to be the “original sin” of the United States of America?
A: Massachusetts
Q: Why did Gandhi go on a hunger strike?
A: He was sick of being cyberbullied for his love handles.
Q: During a 100-meter backstroke event, if Samantha swims at a speed of 1.34 meters per second and Meghan swims at 1.62 meters per second, by how many seconds will Meghan beat Samantha?
A: Meghan’s genitals must first be checked to ensure she isn’t trans.
Q: If Train A leaves the station at noon going 100 miles per hour
A: High-speed rail is a liberal fantasy.
Q: What is mRNA?
