Terrorist Group Benefactor Disappointed To Learn Most Of Donations Go To Covering Administrative Costs

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Shaking his head while reviewing the organization’s annual budget, local terrorist group benefactor Ahmad al-Yasin was reportedly disappointed to learn Thursday that most of his donations go to covering administrative costs. “I understand there are overhead costs, but these funds should go toward suicide vests and stocking up on AK-47s, not frittered away on accountants, rent, and newspaper subscriptions,” said al-Yasin, who wondered how much of his money was really going toward the group’s purported mission statement of waging jihad. “I wouldn’t go as far as calling them scammers, but I definitely feel like I’m being ripped off. They’re having galas? They should be blowing up galas! I didn’t pump millions of dollars of my family’s oil money into this to be sent a free mug every year. I mean, come on, go kill some infidels!” At press time, an inspired al-Yasin had decided to take this all as a sign that he should go out and terrorize communities.