Vol 55: Issue 21

Politics

Nancy Pelosi Slams Edited Footage With Claim That When She’s Drunk You’ll Fucking Know It
American Voices, Opinion

Ed Sheeran Releasing Collaborative Album
News, News In Brief

ICE Agent Can’t Believe He Being Reprimanded For Child Who Died All Those Months Ago
Politics

Corner Store Customers Saddened By Sight Of Frantic Trump Doing Scratch-Off Tickets Right On Counter
American Voices, Opinion

McDonald’s To Add Global Items To Food Menu
Sports

Chicago Authorities Free Over 2,000 Southpaws From Illegal Mascot Mill
OGN

Nintendo Announces That ‘Super Mario Maker 2’ Will Finally Let Users Build A Synagogue So Mario Can Get Bar Mitzvahed
Local

Businessman Mortified To Discover He’s Been Wearing Suit Backwards All Day
Sports

Depressed LeBron James Realizes That At His Age Copernicus Was Developing Theory Of Heliocentrism
Local

New Employee Confused By Office Espresso Machine Just Returns To Desk With Mug Of Hot Water
Sports

NBA Requests Fans Sitting Courtside Not Release Derivative Albums
American Voices, Opinion

Urban Outfitters Introducing Clothing Rental Service
Entertainment

Song Banged Out In Half Hour By Professional Songwriters To Define Teenager’s Personality For Next Two Years
Politics

Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into Existence
Entertainment

Moby Provides Long-Range, Blurry Photo Taken Through Window To Prove He Currently Dating Natalie Portman
News, News In Brief

Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve
News, News In Brief

Tyson Holds Contest To Let Fans Submit New Ideas For Torturing Chicken To Death

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