Vol 54: Issue 6

News, News In Brief

Nation Excited For Some Insane K-Pop Shit During Opening Ceremony
News, News In Photos

Exhausted Olympians Wake Up Early To Repeat Opening Ceremony For American Time Zones
News, News In Photos

Queen Bun Gives Birth To Thousands Of Tiny Rolls
Dispatch, News

U.S. Military Heightens Security After Another Group Of Precocious Children Sneaks Onto Base To Save Alien Friend
News, News In Brief

‘100% Of Teenagers Huge Fucking Assholes,’ Confirms Study By Sobbing, Red-Faced Scientists
Politics

Frustrated Hope Hicks Wishing She Could Find One Nice Guy In This Autocratic Personality Cult
American Voices, Opinion

Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony Begins
Politics

John Kelly Denies Any Knowledge Of Staffer's Misconduct That Will Break In Few Month’s Time
Politics

Mitch McConnell Reminds Senators That They'll Have To Make Up Government Shutdown Days At End Of Year
News, News In Brief

Report: Make It Stop
Politics

Mike Pence Condemns Female Senators For Wantonly Sharing Senate Floor With Male Colleagues After Dark
American Voices, Opinion

Poll: 2 In 3 Americans Support Legal Status For Dreamers
American Voices, Opinion

2018 Pyeongchang Olympics Kicks Off With Ski Jumping, Curling
Politics

Report: Russia Managed To Penetrate Voter Databases In Order To Ensure Election Was Fair And Free Like The Loyal Allies They Are
Local

Female Barista Getting A Lot Better At Avoiding Touching Male Patrons’ Hands When They Pay
News, News In Brief

Hershey’s Unveils Some New Chocolate Bullshit For You To Cram Into Your Fat Maw
Politics

Congress Puts Aside Partisan Differences For Good Of Military Contractors

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