Vol 48: Issue 47

Entertainment

The Week In Pictures
News, News In Photos

Garrison Keillor Fully Deflates After Massive Sigh
News, News In Photos

Regal Cinemas Suddenly Realizes It’s Been Playing 'Love And Other Drugs' For Two Years
Entertainment

Just A Gray TV Screen
Local

Pan Left To Soak Now Predates All Current Roommates
Enter to win the chance to customize the name & location in an Onion article
Entertainment

Cash Cab
American Voices, Opinion

Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving
Entertainment, Time Killers

Businesses Fined Most Heavily By The EPA
Featurette, Local

Not A Shithole
American Voices, Opinion

Elmo Puppeteer Resigns Amid Sex Scandal
Infographic, News

The Onion's Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving
American Voices, Opinion

Apes Suffer Midlife Crises
Entertainment

Animal Cops: Houston
Featurette, Local

3BR/2.5BA/1KT/68EO/16WN/4CF/12D/1MS(s) Paradise!
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Your Horoscopes – Week Of Nov. 20, 2012
Dispatch, News

Study: Everyone, Everything Linked To Paranoia

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Send Us Money Until the Throbbing Subsides