Vol 37: Issue 21

News, News In Brief

Woman Wonders Whatever Happened To Those Rainforests She Gave $5 To Save That One Time
Dispatch, News

Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks'
Local

Heroic Cancer Sufferer Inspires Others To Get Cancer
Dispatch, News

Every Brand Of Alcohol Reminds Man Of A Different Story
News, News In Brief

Church Member Not The Same Since Unsuccessful Choir Tryout
Entertainment, Time Killers

Least Used Kitsch References
Commentary, Opinion

Guard Yo' Grill Against Them Computa Bitchez
American Voices, Opinion

Human Rights And The U.S.
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of June 6, 2001
News, News In Photos

Ben Stiller Peels Banana With Own Feet
News, News In Photos

Foul Play Suspected In Destruction Of World's Second-Largest Ball Of Twine
Politics

Bush Picks Up 20 Copies Of Washington Post He's In
Local

Author Wishes She Hadn't Blown Personal Tragedy On First Book
Dispatch, News

Mom-And-Pop Loan Sharks Being Driven Out By Big Credit-Card Companies
News, News In Brief

Area Man Wants Something Made Of Titanium
Commentary, Opinion

Actually, On-The-Job Safety Is A Laughing Matter

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.

Vol 37: Issue 21

Woman Wonders Whatever Happened To Those Rainforests She Gave $5 To Save That One Time

Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks'

Heroic Cancer Sufferer Inspires Others To Get Cancer

Every Brand Of Alcohol Reminds Man Of A Different Story

Church Member Not The Same Since Unsuccessful Choir Tryout

Least Used Kitsch References

Guard Yo' Grill Against Them Computa Bitchez

Human Rights And The U.S.

Horoscope for the week of June 6, 2001

Ben Stiller Peels Banana With Own Feet

Foul Play Suspected In Destruction Of World's Second-Largest Ball Of Twine

Bush Picks Up 20 Copies Of Washington Post He's In

Author Wishes She Hadn't Blown Personal Tragedy On First Book

Mom-And-Pop Loan Sharks Being Driven Out By Big Credit-Card Companies

Area Man Wants Something Made Of Titanium

Actually, On-The-Job Safety Is A Laughing Matter

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Sections

Explore

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Send Us Money Until the Throbbing Subsides