Study Finds It Would Be Extremely Satisfying To Have Intercourse With An A-List Celebrity

BOULDER, CO—Providing groundbreaking new insight into human sexuality, a study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Colorado found that if a person were to engage in intercourse with an A-list celebrity, the experience would be extremely satisfying. “Over the course of our inquiry, we concluded that having intimate sexual relations with, for example, Rihanna, would result in a marked improvement in one’s general mood and overall sense of well-being,” said Professor Liza Mulbin, explaining that the euphoric effect that comes from sex with a top-tier celebrity one has seen on television or in films can likely be attributed to the fact that such individuals are very attractive, very famous, and very rich. “It would, in all likelihood, be the best feeling ever. Our analysis also shows that, given how often celebrities like Ryan Gosling, Selena Gomez, and the Hemsworth brothers have sex, they are probably incredible at it. In addition, a degree of status is conferred upon anyone who has sex with a major star, as they are forever known within their social group as the one who had sex with Drake or Kristen Stewart.” Mulbin added that even in the worst-case scenario, in which a person contracts an incurable STI from an A-list celebrity, the accompanying sexual gratification would still “totally be worth it.”