Study Finds Deer Only Mammal Besides Humans That Totally Suck

STARKVILLE, MS—Shedding new light on the ecology of the common woodland creature, a new study published Friday by Mississippi State University biologists has found that deer are the only mammal besides humans that totally suck. “For centuries, the scientific community had assumed that humans were the only mammals who were completely insufferable, but after years of observation, we can confidently confirm that deer totally suck shit as well,” said lead researcher Dr. Monica Gold, adding that as soon as her team first noticed the fascinating link between humanity and all 43 species of deer bringing absolutely nothing to the table, “it was easy to find further evidence proving that both have always sucked big fat dick, as far as animals are concerned.” “While some of the more highly evolved species of apes also exhibit the capacity to be huge pieces of shit, the numbers fail to meet the threshold in which humans and deer are guaranteed to be annoying as all hell. In fact, we found that 100% of members of the genus Homo and the family Cervidae unilaterally share the uncanny ability to fucking blow 100 percent of the time, across all ages and variations in species.” The study also proved conclusively that armadillos are the only mammals who totally rule.