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Study Finds Bottled Water Contains 100 Times More Plastic Than Thought

According to a new study published in Proceedings Of The National Academy of Sciences, an average liter of bottled water contains roughly 240,000 detectable plastic particles including nanoplastics less than one micrometer in size, almost 100 times more than previously estimated. What do you think?

Theodore Emas, Transit Researcher

“I had a suspicion my plastic was being watered down.”

Theodore Emas, Transit Researcher

Denise Deweerth, Assistant Interrogator

“Damn, I thought turtles and seagulls were taking care of plastic for us.”

Denise Deweerth, Assistant Interrogator

Gustavo Olbermann, Unemployed

“Before you choose a side, just remember no one’s ever drowned in plastic.”

Gustavo Olbermann, Unemployed




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper