,

Stress Up Since 1983

According to a Carnegie Mellon University study, stress levels in the United States increased 18 percent for women and 24 percent for men between 1983 and 2009. What do you think?

Shoshanna Wright • Systems Analyst

“That sounds about right. I feel about 6 percent less additional stress than my husband.”

Shoshanna Wright • Systems Analyst

David Lillian • Track Superintendent

“Finally, scientific proof that things were better when I was a kid. Now to tell my children of the paradise lost that was the ’80s.”

David Lillian • Track Superintendent

Sean Pitofsky • Veneer Dryer

“Every year since I lost my piano tie, my life has been a living hell.”

Sean Pitofsky • Veneer Dryer




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper