Unless you want the staff spitting in your food, we would avoid asking for the following things. Here are the special order modifications chefs hate the most and why.
One Single Bean, Raw
Anyone who has ever worked in a kitchen knows this is one of the most difficult dishes to execute properly.
Gazpacho At Absolute Zero
This delicious Spanish cucumber-tomato soup is meant to be served cold, but asking the chef to chill it to −459.67 degrees Fahrenheit puts a strain on the coolers.
Extra Slop
Chefs take extreme pride in their beautiful plating and serve up the perfect amount of slop for the presentation.
The House Burger But With No Tomato
Diners tend not to realize removing the tomato from the house burger is an extremely laborious process that takes three hours at least.
Risotto From The Better Restaurant Up The Street
Just know that the “corkage fee” will be about $2,000 for that request.
‘More, More, More!’
Storming the kitchen and demanding “more munchies for my mouthy” is an insult to your server, who relies upon the tips they receive for providing table service.
Birdhouse
Few kitchens are supplied with enough lumber to construct a birdhouse at a moment’s notice.
The Special Of The Day
Chefs don’t know how to prepare that and are shocked that you were paying attention when the waiter announced it.
Requesting A Shiv Be Baked Into Your Meatloaf
Kid, no way you’re getting a shiv unless we see money upfront.
Sub Bowls For Pouring Hot Soup Directly Into Hands
Do you even know how this is messing up the flow of service?
Organic, Humanely Raised Dolphin Steak
There’s nothing chefs hate more than moral inconsistency.
Them To Cater Your Entire Wedding Right Now
Unless it’s a small courthouse-type thing, arrangements like this are probably best made a couple months in advance.
A Plate Of Mashed Potatoes With Broccoli Stuck Into It So That It Resembles A Tiny Forest
It’s not a chef’s responsibility to make you feel like a brontosaurus.
De-Toasted Bread
The process of returning toast to bread takes three days, and unfortunately, it is almost never worth it to a chef.
Sweaty Salad
It’s extremely difficult to get the salad to sweat the perfect amount, and even when it does, the perspiration lasts for only a few minutes.
No Rat Penises
Look, the chef knows what they’re doing, and rat penises are part of the delicate balance of flavors in the dish.
Medium-Rare, But Closer To Medium, Like Almost Medium, Deep Pink, But Not Red, At Least Not Red-Red, You Know?
Fuck you.
Asparagus Attached End-To-End Into One Long Javelin
Do you know how long that takes?
Pizza
The Domino’s pizza delivery guy is always late.
Anything, When You Come In 10 Minutes Before Closing
Sir, the kitchen has been closed for over an hour. Who even let you in?
