Sobbing Husband Doesn’t Understand Why He Can’t Bring Fake Sword With Him To Work

PROVIDENCE, RI—Growing increasingly incensed at the inherent unfairness of the situation, sobbing husband Luke Williams is said to have told his spouse Monday that he still didn’t understand why he couldn’t bring a fake sword with him into work. “How are any of my coworkers going to know about my cool sword moves if I can’t bring my sword along?” said the red-faced 35-year-old, who reportedly stomped his feet in frustration as he stressed that it wasn’t even a real sword and that he had promised several times to never hit a person with it. “My ninja costume isn’t even going to make sense anymore without the sword! Why are you always like this? You ruin everything!” At press time, sources confirmed that Williams’ wife had been called into the office to pick him up early after he brought a toy squirt gun to work.