Snooping Andre Agassi Suspects Fellow Players Planning Surprise Retirement Party For Him

QUEENS, NY—Andre Agassi has spent the majority of his time at this week’s U.S. Open snooping around the National Tennis Center and questioning fellow players about the time and location of his surprise retirement party, despite being repeatedly assured that no plans for such a party have been made. “Yesterday he stopped me in the locker room and asked me, if people weren’t planning a party, where everyone was during his first-round match with Andrei Pavel,” James Blake said, adding that he can tell that Agassi desperately wants the players to do something special for him. “I told him if he really wanted a party I was sure we could throw something together, but he just said I was ’doing a good job of playing along.’” Agassi claims his suspicions were confirmed when Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal stopped talking upon noticing an eavesdropping Agassi in a hat and sunglasses eating an ice-cream cone behind a nearby railing.