Snobby Ex-Con Always Mentioning How He Went To Private Prison

TUCSON, AZ—Visibly full of disdain when he remarks that they let just about anyone into public prisons, snobby ex-convict Darren Fesky is always mentioning how he went to a private detention center, sources reported Monday. “Excuse me, but you’re speaking to someone who attended Saguaro Correctional Facility—ever heard of it?” said the hardened felon, who was privately incarcerated during his youth and young adulthood and completed all three of his sentences at expensive out-of-state institutions. “It’s a totally different experience than your run-of-the-mill state prison. The best part is probably all the contacts you make, because I know guys in gangs from all over the country who came from places like Idaho and Hawaii just to do their time at Saguaro.” Fesky went on to discuss the diversity of his old correctional facility, noting that many inmates are shipped straight to private prisons by Immigration and Customs Enforcement.