Signs The Spark Has Definitely Left Your Relationship

Your Livecam Has Stopped Making Money

Who’s gonna masturbate to two fully clothed people sourly looking at their phones? A few people, sure, but not enough.

Both Pretending To Sleep During Sex

You and your partner lay nude on top of each other snoring loudly, just hoping your hint finally gets noticed.

You Get A Complaint From Your Neighbors That Your Sex Hasn’t Been That Loud Lately

Finally, your neighbors can sleep without your deep, amorous moans reverberating through the walls, and they don’t like it.

You’d Rather Grab Your Own Ass Than Theirs

A lack of physical intimacy can be cause for concern, even if you have a pretty nice ass yourself.

Your Erection No Longer Makes A “Boi-oi-oi-oing” Sound When You Get Horny

What good is an erection without a cartoonish sound to accompany it?

You’re More Like Friends

You treat your partner like a buddy, hanging out instead of cuddling and asking them if they know anyone single they can set you up with.

You Let Your Tail Grow Back

You’re not as concerned about looking your best, and you’ve stopped taking the enchanted elixirs that keep your tail, claws, and fangs from erupting from your body.

Your Goals Don’t Align

You want to have kids one day, and they want to prove that JFK Junior is still alive and plotting his revenge against Hollywood pedophiles.

Leaving To Be The Quarterback For The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Twenty seasons is a long time, and when you feel taken for granted, you may not have another choice.

You Haven’t Had Sex In 200 Years

Unless you’re an immortal ancient beast for which 200 years is but a mere blip in the grand scheme of things, the spark may be gone.

You And Your Partner Cheat In Separate Bedrooms

You used to sleep with random strangers in the same bed every night. What happened?

You Watch An Episode Of

Aw. That used to be your guys’ show. That was your thing!

They Stopped Asking About Your Day

Actually, looking back, they never really wanted to know how your day was. Maybe things are still going strong after all.

They Stopped Bothering To Lock The Door Of The Basement Where They’ve Imprisoned You

It’s like they don’t even care if you stay or go.

Fireworks No Longer Explode in the Sky Directly Above You Every Time You Kiss

Might as well call it a day.

Chess Games Have Lost Their Intensity

You know all their favorite openings, the middlegame has become boring, and it feels like you’re both just going through the motions until someone forces a draw.