Serious Mitt Romney Demanding To Be Addressed As 'Mitthew' Now

SANFORD, FL—During Mitt Romney’s final campaign swing through Florida today, the Republican presidential nominee issued a stern rebuke to members of the press, insisting they use his full given name and refer to him exclusively as Mitthew Romney. “Before we go on, I need to stop and correct you on one thing—it’s Mitthew, okay?” said Romney, interrupting a reporter who had asked a question in which she referred to the candidate as Mitt. “My name is Mitthew. It always has been. Apparently people think it’s okay to be informal and call me Mitt for short, but I’ve never liked that particular nickname and would appreciate it if everyone would just use the name my parents gave me: Mitthew.” At press time, Romney had boarded his campaign jet along with his five sons, Taggothy, Joshathan, Benben, Craigory, and Matt.