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Secret Police Enforce Mourning Of Deng Xiaoping

BEIJING—China’s 1.2 billion citizens observed a state police-enforced mourning of 92-year-old premier Deng Xiaoping last week. “Our great leader is gone,” said Wuhan resident Xiang Hu as a bayonet was held to his throat by a member of the government’s elite military guard. Deng’s funeral procession through the streets of Beijing was attended by over one million people from as far as 900 miles away, all of whom were forcibly bused in by the state. A 30-day period of national mourning has been declared, during which anyone found not weeping openly will be executed.




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper