Second Fatwa Issued On Salman Rushdie For Derivative, Uninspired 13th Novel

TEHRAN, IRAN—Expressing consternation and disgust at the Man Booker Prize winner’s latest offering, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei issued a second fatwa against Salman Rushdie Friday for publishing a derivative and uninspired 13th novel, The Golden House. “This book is not only an affront to Allah, but also to any reader of contemporary literary fiction who will undoubtedly see right through Rushdie’s paper-thin characterizations and droll narrative structure,” said the Supreme Leader of Iran, condemning Rushdie for retreading the same trite motifs and themes found in Midnight’s Children. “I strongly urge Muslims and non-Muslims alike to find Rushdie’s whereabouts and hold this hack accountable for this absolutely tepid, shallow writing.” At press time, Khamenei had lifted the initial fatwa issued against Rushdie following the publication of The Satanic Verses after returning to the novel “with a fresh pair of eyes.”