Russian Soldiers’ Guns, Tanks Vanish Into Thin Air As First Wave Of Sanctions Takes Effect

KYIV, UKRAINE—Leaving journalists and eyewitnesses “absolutely stunned” as they watched in amazement, Russian soldiers’ guns and tanks were reportedly vanishing into thin air Friday as the first wave of international sanctions took effect. Cries of, “No! No! The sanctions! They’re kicking in!” were heard across the northern district of the capital as Russian troops inexplicably fell from midair where they had sat perched inside the armored vehicles only moments ago. According to sources, assault rifles were seen quivering then suddenly turning into dust and, in some cases, a cloud of butterflies, leaving Putin’s forces staring at their empty hands in bewilderment. At press time, the Russian soldiers had also begun to dissolve into thin air after Western countries imposed new sanctions on the troops themselves.