Donald Trump made the financial disclosures this week required of all presidential candidates, divulging his job titles, assets, and other information in a 92-page report. Here are some things we learned about Trump in these documents:
Forced to work 487 different jobs just to keep empire afloat
Values of Trump’s assets have risen in correlation with nation’s contempt for him
Made $1.75 million last year telling large crowds how pitiful and classless they are
Credit score a respectable 720
Trump has saved over $8 million by not bothering to come up with a different name for any of his businesses
Though Trump’s books are not the biggest moneymakers, getting a book published in this economy is a huge accomplishment in itself
Made majority of his wealth by buying up millions of ‘Forever’ stamps years ago and waiting for their value to increase
Nine months away from paying off 2012 Corolla
Trump’s personal brand of tectonic plates, currently covering one-eighth of the earth’s lithosphere, generated $400 million in revenue last quarter
Trump’s wife, Melania, currently valued at $1.2 million
Investments unfortunately too well diversified to see him suddenly bankrupted by unexpected market shift
Considers most valuable asset to be satisfaction at a life well lived
