With the recent release of Ted Wells’ report, Onion Sports examines what the NFL-ordered investigation discovered about workplace harassment within the Miami Dolphins.
Identified a clear pattern of harassment directed toward a player nicknamed “Jmart,” who could be anyone, really
No one was kicking the shit out of Ryan Tannehill for some reason
Miami coaching staff was often too busy working on moronic game plans to notice bullying situation
Former Dolphins lineman Andrew McDonald routinely referred to by the offensive, highly insulting nickname “Player A”
Martin never informed coaches he was being abused in the locker room, practice field, weight room, or team meetings
The “About the Author” page revealed that, in addition to being an accomplished criminal attorney, Ted Wells also enjoys mountain biking and spending time with his family
To be completely fair, Incognito also called Jonathan Martin “teammate” four times over the past 18 months
Inexplicably, Martin could never earn the respect of his NFL teammates, despite his proclivities for tattling and crying
Dan Marino still hangs around Sun Life Stadium five to six days a week
Jonathan Martin’s sister has a wolf puss
Concluded all of these guys are fucking morons
