What Happened, a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:
Never really understood what the “H” arrow campaign logo was going for
Respected her opponent Bernie Sanders but simply believed a presidential election is not the time to push progressive policies
Still receives fan mail from little girls asking for her advice on how to appeal to wealthy centrists
Regrets not killing James Comey
Briefly toyed with the idea of campaigning under the pseudonym H.R. Clemens to avoid misogynist critics
Concedes that she might be partially responsible for 15 months’ worth of her actions, words, and policies on the campaign trail
Quietly ran for president in 2012
A 45-page diatribe excoriates DNC intern Jason Whitcomb for his failure to stuff election mailers correctly
Calls Donald Trump “creepy” but admits he can throw one hell of a wedding
Has clearly already forgotten who her VP pick was
