Report: Some Company Called Scampr Already Lost $12.5 Billion At Launch And Has Gone Bankrupt

NEW YORK—In news that took the nation completely by surprise, some company called Scampr already lost $12.5 billion at launch and has gone bankrupt, sources confirmed Friday. “Huh, I guess they were in new media and it looks like they just completely went under,” said sources glancing at an article about the multibillion-dollar organization that had apparently begun bleeding investors after cycling through four different CEOs in a matter of months. “Seems as though in the lead up to launch, there was an enormous scandal involving insider trading or something, and a few of the VPs even had to testify before a congressional committee? But anyway, they’re totally dead in the water now, and they had to lay off thousands of employees.” At press time, Scampr’s board of directors had already reincorporated under a new name and had been valued at $20 billion by venture capitalists.