Report: Jessica Milly Has Put Out

DEARBORN, MI—Sources are confirming that at 8:45 p.m. this evening, Thomas E. Dewey High School junior Jessica Milly officially put out. Though many had predicted she would finally give it up to her boyfriend Josh Gibson this Friday, those close to the 17-year-old said Milly “just wanted to get it over with already” and went all the way with Gibson at his house approximately 15 minutes after his parents left to watch his little sister Emma’s dance recital. At press time, text messages to Milly asking, “How was it?” “How many times?” and “Condom?” have not been answered.