Report: It Time For Neighbor Kid To Go Home

JENKS, OK—Calling for the swift and long-overdue removal of the 10-year-old from their property, a new report issued this week by officials from the Buechner household found that it was time for the neighbor kid to go home. “We’re going to be eating soon, and he can’t stay for dinner,” said 41-year-old Jonathan Buechner, who noted the rapidly fading daylight, his children’s need to get started on their homework, and the lack of chicken parmesan to go around as his core evidence as to why the child needed to vacate the premises immediately. “It’s 4:49 p.m. for God’s sake. Aren’t his parents wondering where he is? We know things probably aren’t great at home, but nonetheless, he’s gotta skedaddle.” At press time, sources confirmed that the neighbor kid was still playing in the driveway by himself.