Report: Crock-Pot Of Chili Just Sitting There In Corner Of Dive Bar

CHICAGO—Following wild speculation among patrons over what the electric cooker might contain, a report released Friday confirmed that there was, in fact, a crock-pot of chili just sitting there in the corner of a local dive bar. “Apparently there’s chili over there for the taking,” said a source close to the situation who verified the report’s major claims, namely that (1) there was a crock-pot at the end of the bar at Deb’s Trading Post, and that (2) the crock-pot had some kind of chili in it. “It’s hard to tell where it came from or how long it’s been here. It’s burnt on the sides, but also decently full and still plugged in, so it’s probably good and hot. Interestingly, there are no bowls or a ladle or anything, but there is a styrofoam cup full of diced onions and clear remnants of shredded cheese on the counter. Maybe it was for a birthday or something? But then they just opened an hour ago.” At press time, sources said the bartender had wordlessly set a bottle of yellow mustard next to the crock-pot.