LEXINGTON, KY—Ever since a humiliatingly short mechanical-bull ride at the Cadillac Ranch last Thursday, area resident Scott Wiseck has been planning a rematch, the 27-year-old UPS deliveryman reported Tuesday.
“Last week was flat-out embarrassing,” Wiseck said. “I was barely up on that bull five seconds before I was face-down on the floor wearing my ass for a hat. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t been acting like a big shot in front of those two girls from Bowling Green. I couldn’t even look them in the eye for the rest of the night after I lost to that bull.”
Lured onto the bull by the $500 prize awarded to the winner of the weekly contest, Wiseck was not ready for the Bullseye-brand bull’s U.L. code set electricals and hydraulic bucking action. According to the automatic timer, Wiseck was vanquished by the bull in just 3.5 seconds.
“Next time will be different, though,” Wiseck said. “I’m gonna be ready for that bull.”
Wiseck said he has spent hours pondering the mistakes he made during the disastrous ride, in order to create a plan of action for Thursday’s rematch.
“I was overconfident, plain and simple,” Wiseck said. “My daddy always told me: You can’t tame an animal unless you respect it. It’s a little different, this bull being a machine and all, but the principle’s the same. I went into that pit cocky, so I was bound to end up bass-ackwards in front of the whole town.”
Wiseck said alcohol was another factor contributing to his defeat.
“I was too drunk last week,” Wiseck said. “It’s a good idea to have a few Coors longnecks to loosen you up and give you some liquid courage, but next week, I’m staying away from the 2-for-1 rail drinks. I’ll have plenty of time to buy victory rounds after I take that bull down.”
A large pre-bull-riding meal also contributed to his poor showing, Wiseck said.
“An hour or so before my ride, I ate a Saddle Burger with all the fixings,” Wiseck said. “It’s no wonder I didn’t stay on the bull for more than a few bucks. Next Thursday, I’ll just have one of those Power Bars. That’ll put me in peak condition without filling me up.”
Having reviewed his performance, Wiseck plans to rent the 1980 movie Urban Cowboy, to seek inspiration from John Travolta.
“I haven’t seen Urban Cowboy in a long time, so I bet it’ll pump me up,” Wiseck said. “I’ve also been thinking about bringing my own music to play during my ride, maybe AC/DC’s ’You Shook Me All Night Long.’ Last week, George Jones’ ’White Lightning’ was on the jukebox when I lost to the bull. As much as I love that song, it’s just not good bull-riding music.”
With his plan laid out, Wiseck said he thinks he’s in the running to not only win the $500 prize, but also beat the bar’s all-time record of 34.5 seconds and displace Daryl Schumacher from the chalkboard hanging behind the bar.
“It’s less about the money and more about the dignity of the Wiseck name,” Wiseck said. “I will pay the $10 entry fee over and over again, all night long, if I have to. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m going to beat that thing. This is personal; it’s between me and the bull.”
Wiseck’s friends say they don’t expect him to conquer the bull this Thursday, or anytime soon.
“I don’t care how much Scotty wants it—he’s not gonna beat the Big Motherbucker,” Wiseck’s friend Sam Lewis said. “His dreams are as big as the West Texas sky, but physically, he’s just too weak. You need upper-body strength to ride that thing, which is something you just don’t get from driving a delivery truck all day. He should probably stick to playing foosball in the back room, where he’s king of the table.”
