Over the past year, events ranging from widespread social media bans to criminal convictions for seditious conspiracy have left far-right militant group the Proud Boys depleted and demoralized. For readers with acquaintances within the organization’s ranks, here are things to never say to a Proud Boy.
“I know a gal who would make a great member. She’s virulently racist, hates immigrants, and excels at beating people over the head with clubs.”
Sorry, only men can join the Proud Boys.
“I’m more of an Oath Keepers fan myself.”
Hey now, there’s no point in comparing favorite white nationalist militias.
“Don’t you find it weird that the founder of the Proud Boys was also the founder of
It’s not that strange once you realize Patriot Front was founded by the editor of The Awl and Patriot Prayer was founded by the editor of xoJane.
“That’s cool. I was in a frat in college too.”
Hating women passively is not the same as actually showing up to Planned Parenthood with a baseball bat.
“Hurry, quick, there’s a Drag Queen Story Hour happening at the bottom of that well!”
Proud Boys may not be bright, but it is unkind to take advantage of them.
“Groomer!”
Don’t say this unless you’re ready to endure an hours-long shouting match of screaming the word back and forth at each other.
“I’m in a cult too, but women are allowed and I have sex with them.”
Don’t make them needlessly jealous.
“Do you ever feel weird that the head of your organization was a minority?”
Weird. They always thought the name “Enrique Tarrio” sounded white.
“Have you even tried watching
No one wants to download Paramount+.
“Are you ready to rock and roll?”
What a stupid question. Proud Boys are always ready to rock and roll!
“Have you ever thought about focusing some of this seething hatred toward institutions into banding together with marginalized groups and effecting change?”
They don’t want change. They want to keep women out of Star Wars.
“All of this insurrection stuff seems to just be covering up for some childhood trauma, right?”
Yes, when they were young they were forced to see a Black person.
“And do you have any knowledge or documents at all with regards to the items in Schedule B in your capacity as someone who held office or was a chairman or a spokesman, or however you want to call it, with the Proud Boys?”
You’re just going to annoy a Proud Boy by legally deposing them and making them answer pesky questions like this!
“So…are you all informants?”
Though none will admit it to your face, the answer is yes.
“What do you think of this AI portrait of Donald Trump in jail?”
They won’t like it. Try showing them your AI portrait of Donald Trump having sex with the White House.
“I also love getting punched in the face by liberals and crying!”
Just because this happens in viral videos doesn’t mean they like it.
“Proud Boys, stand back and stand by.”
Saying this in a September 2020 debate is just going to cause more legal headaches than it’s worth.
“Hey, I know these have been a tough few months, but if it’s any consolation, I love being in jail with you.”
Don’t remind them.
