The recent death of Sen. Dianne Feinstein following a prolonged period of evident cognitive decline has put the spotlight on other public officials who may face similar issues, including Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and President Joe Biden. The Onion examines the pros and cons of keeping senile politicians in office.
PRO
We gain the wisdom of those who have seen Death’s face and know his name.
CON
Might give other old people impression they’re still useful to society.
PRO
They’re clueless enough to accidentally reveal what they really believe.
CON
Prevents younger politicians from developing much-needed corruption skills.
PRO
Normalizes having strokes at work.
CON
Would have to learn a new name.
PRO
Less capable of fleeing from angry mob of citizens.
CON
Gives control to their even more evil staffers.
PRO
Terrifying to consider a politician with their full faculties intact.
CON
Too on-the-nose a symbol for America’s irreversible decline.
