In a recently surfaced video from 2022, House Speaker Mike Johnson reveals that he and his son use anti-porn software to monitor and eliminate each other’s temptations to view erotica and sexually explicit material. The Onion asked porn stars what they thought about the speaker abstaining from porn, and this is what they said.
Cory Chase
“Well, Ted Cruz still watches everything I do, so I feel supported by our elected officials.”
Casey Calvert
“I can prove otherwise—he must not have realized that the camera goes both ways.”
Savannah Bond
“What! But he was supposed to be my date to the Massive Asses 3 premiere.”
Tommy Pistol
“It’s called edging, and it’s a great bonding experience for a father and son.”
Ana Foxxx
“A man trying to abstain is how most of my movies start.”
Angela White
“I know. I’m his accountability partner.”
Sexually Explicit Mario And Luigi
“We can confirm that he does not abstain completely.”
Riley Reid
“Well, I’m sure he’d at least enjoy that video of me saying the N-word.”
Abella Danger
“He knows watching porn on an iPad still counts as watching porn, right?”
Xxlayna Marie
“It’s fine. Rep. Steve Scalise watches enough porn for the both of them.”
Mia Malkova
“Wait, are you trying to say he’s breaking up with me?”
Charlotte Stokely
“So that’s why I’ve been seeing him on set so much.”
Stormy Daniels
“Hey, sorry, I mostly comment on Donald Trump. That’s my thing. So if you have any questions about him, I’m happy to say ‘A storm is coming’ etc.”
Shane Diesel
“It makes sense that he wouldn’t want to watch gang bang videos since he hates socialism.”
Strokely Carmichael
“Well, I’m sure the film I made called Rosa Parx Refuses To Give Up Seat On Bang Bus with my colleague Malcolm XXX isn’t quite the content he would go for anyway.”
Vanna Bardot
“Suit yourself. More cum for me.”
Maitland Ward
“I’m sorry to hear he can’t obey the Lord without using an app and a teenager.”
Asa Akira
“I’m confused. Does he still want the foot pics or not?”
Kenna James
“Shoot, that brings the number of men who view porn down to a meager 3,999,999,999.”
Little Caprice
“So does he close his eyes during the congressional viewing parties?”
Maddy May
“He cannot hide from these nipples forever.”
Brad Armstrong
“Goddammit, that was our last potential customer. Shut it all down, folks. This crazy roller coaster ride of ours has finally come to an end.”
Lena Paul
“I think it’s sweet he finally learned about incognito mode.”
