Pope Francis has made efforts to modernize the Catholic Church by embracing technology, saying that he would not judge homosexuals, and considering the removal of celibacy as a requirement of the priesthood. Here are some of the other progressive reforms the pope is considering:
New Bible with stronger female characters
Cocking mitre slightly to the side
Embracing more modern contraceptive methods such as pulling out and having sex in a bathtub
Rebooting Satan with darker backstory
Concluding every sermon, mass, and blessing with the phrase “But that’s just my opinion”
Denim vestments
Replacing cross logo with stylish interlocking “JC” monogram
Abolishing Catholic Church
