Parents’ Password A Grotesque Combination Of Children’s Names, Birthdays

EVANSVILLE, IN—Describing the unholy intermixture of letters and numbers as “repulsive” and “utterly vile,” disgusted sources confirmed Monday that the Netflix password of local parents Evan and Jeannine Perkins was a nauseatingly grotesque combination of their children’s names and birthdays. The 19-character code, which swaps out an “S” in their firstborn’s name with a hideous and debasing dollar sign, reportedly alternates at points between upper- and lowercase letters, undulating back and forth in a sickening chain that renders the names “Sophia” and “Ben” wholly unrecognizable. Further reports indicate that after a perverse fusing of the digits in the children’s birth years, the stomach-turning amalgamation terminates with the loathsome and unnatural conjoinment of the family dog’s nickname, mercifully bringing to an end a monstrosity so hideous, it reportedly can only be gazed upon with the characters replaced by a series of concealing asterisks. Sources confirmed that if anything positive could be stated about the unutterable atrocity of a password, it was that it was strong.