Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2018

Published:

December 26, 2019

2018 The Year It All Going To Fall Into Place, Delusional Sources Report

Mom Hasn’t Said Full, Uninterrupted Sentence To Family Since 1997

New Report Finds Adult Film Star May Have Paid Over $130,000 To Cover Up Sexual Encounter With Trump

Tearful Elon Musk Warns About Dangers Of AI After Having Heart Broken By Beautiful Robotrix

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘It’s Step, Twist, Step, Dammit!’ Yells Leotard-Wearing, Cigarette-Smoking John Kelly While Choreographing Upcoming Military Parade

White Supremacist Tired After Long Day Of Interviews With Mainstream News Outlets

Nation Praying For Super Nasty Luge Accident

Panicked Billy Graham Realizes He Took Wrong Turn Into Heaven’s Largest Gay Neighborhood

New Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates Hired

NRA Ad Director Still Searching For Right Sinister Music To Play Over Footage Of High Schoolers

‘I Must Make Sure You Have The Skills To Please My Grandson,’ Says Queen Elizabeth Disrobing Before Meghan Markle

Jeff Bezos Tables Latest Breakthrough Cost-Cutting Idea After Realizing It’s Just Slaves

Black Father Gives Son The Talk About Holding Literally Any Object

Mike Pompeo Can’t Believe Senate Just Expects He’ll Answer Questions Without Being Tortured First

Mom Makes Sure Everyone Has Masturbated Before Long Car Ride

Friend Dishonorably Discharged From Navigation Duties After Missing Exit

Report Suggests Stalin Was Just One Great Purge Away From Creating Communist Utopia

Kanye West: ‘I Would’ve Ridden Away From A Slave Plantation On A Motorcycle First Chance I Got’

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Trump Boys Construct Fake Melania For Lonely Father To Spend Time With

Rain-Soaked Robert Mueller Lets Manafort Surf One Final Monster Wave Before Bringing Him In

Couple Fucking At Next Table Obviously On Third Date

Mark Zuckerberg Insists Anyone With Same Skewed Values And Unrelenting Thirst For Power Could Have Made Same Mistakes

Papa John’s Removes N-Word From Menus

Bodybuilder Strong, But Now What?

New ICE Agent Establishes Dominance By Beating Up Biggest Child Prisoner On First Day

The Onion Proudly Stands With The Media As The Enemy Of The People

Fire Hydrant Blows Load Over Hot Neighborhood Kids

University Admits It Pretty Weird They Let Bunch Of 20-Year-Olds Live In Big Mansion And Torture Each Other

Embarrassed Brett Kavanaugh Can’t Believe He Wore Handmaid Costume On Same Day As Protesters

Eiffel Tower Finally Completed

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Pony Anxiously Waiting For Attendant To Flag Large Child As Too Big For Ride

Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savanna

Grandma Amazed By How Fuckable Grandson Has Gotten Since She Saw Him Last

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Jesus Announces Plans To Return Once The Dow Clears 27,000

HR Director Doesn’t Know What It Is About Her That Makes People Want To Unload All Their Problems

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Nation Admits Being So Coked-Out In ’80s They Have No Memory Of Reading ‘Cujo’

‘No, Take Jeb Instead,’ Screams George W. Bush While Shoving Brother Into Father’s Grave

Red Cross Issues Reminder They Can’t Accept Donations From People With Loose Blood Cupped In Hands

Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb

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