Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2014

Published:

December 21, 2019

Girlfriend Overdoses On Lotion

Study: This Descended From Wolves

Pilot Tells Passengers He’s About To Try Something

Seahawks To Seattle Fans: ‘Shut The Fuck Up’

Mom Just Called To Say Hi And That She’s Very Sad

Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure

Aaron Eckhart Likes To Make One Frankenstein Movie For Them, One Frankenstein Movie For Himself

Teacher Surprised The 2 Weird Kids Haven’t Hit It Off Yet

Nation’s Girlfriends Admit Absolutely Everything Riding On Valentine’s Day

NASCAR Fans Realize Richard Petty May Not Be As Open-Minded As He Looks

Drunken Man Careens Wildly Across Internet

Emergency Crews Attempt To Rescue Olympic Figure Skater Who Fell Through Ice

German Leaders Quietly Confident They Could Pull Off Another Holocaust If They Ever Really Wanted

So-Called Christian Has Erection

Debate Raging As To Whether Michael Jordan Or LeBron James Biggest Asshole To Ever Play Basketball

Modern Science Still Only Able To Predict One Upcoming Tetris Block

Political Cartoonist’s Wife Finds Disturbing Nude Drawings Of Uncle Sam

BREAKING: Imperial Inspector To Arrive By Railcar This Very Afternoon

Brief Moment Of Lucidity Called Panic Attack

Area Mother Doesn’t See Why Thai People Need To Make Food So Spicy

‘The Onion’ Offers Richie Incognito A 5-Year, $50 Million Contract

Obama Spends Afternoon In Garage Restoring Classic Drone

Increasing Number Of Men Pressured To Accept Realistic Standards Of Female Beauty

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

Report: U.S. Still Leads World With Highest Density Of Kevins

Local Man Not Sure How He Ended Up In Boxing Entourage

Report: Growing Number Of Americans Forced To Make Ends Meet By Collaborating On Song With Pitbull

Man Feeling Guilty About Chowing Down At 9/11 Museum Café

Everyone In Sears Spanking A Child

Girlfriend, Girlfriend’s Brother Look Way Too Much Alike

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Study Links Drinking While Pregnant To Being At Kid Rock Concert

Bedtime Story From Fucking Bible Again

Man’s Anxiety Not About To Let Depression Muscle In On Turf

New Anti-Abortion Legislation Requires Doctors To Scale 18-Foot Wall Surrounding Clinic

Homosexuality Only Thing Parents Can Accept About Son

Area Woman’s Type Tall, Athletic Men Who Have Already Hurt Her

Grandmother Talking A Big Game About Being Alive Next Year

Area Facebook User Incredibly Stupid

Report: 79% Of Minority Suspects Receive Miranda Rights While Unconscious

Report: More Americans Putting Off Retirement Until Final Few Moments Before Death

New Study Finds Link Between Breastfeeding, Always Knowing What’s Right For Everyone

Death Row Guard Has Always Had A Soft Spot For The Innocent Ones

3-Day Waiting Period Leads To Far More Feasible Murder Plot

Daily Spin Class Only Thing Keeping Mom From Driving Car Full Of Kids Into Ocean

Nation Admits It Could Probably Be Talked Into Another War

Teacher Picks Wrong Student To Believe In Every Fucking Year

Police Pleasantly Surprised To Learn Man They Shot Was Armed

Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last

Pathetic, Washed-Up Rock Star On Fifth Decade Of Doing Exactly What He Always Wanted

Ira Glass Exhausted From Doing Every Single Voice On ‘This American Life’

Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

Wife Kept Up All Night By Kevin Garnett Talking Trash In Sleep

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Vol 55: Issue 51

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