Our Annual Year: Best Of October

Published:

November 1, 2019

Man Who Constantly Brags About How Great He Is At Oral Tragically Good At It

Dog Takes Pilgrimage To Holy Site Where It Once Found Rotisserie Chicken On Side Of Road

Middle School Boy Assumes Crush Staring Into His Eyes During Slow Dance Waiting For Him To Make Fart Noises With Hands

Man Lowers Carbon Footprint By Bringing Reusable Bags Every Time He Buys Gas

GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn

Trump Cancels White House Subscription To ‘Highlights’ Over Anti-Goofus Bias

‘They Can’t Arrest Both Of Us,’ Says Giuliani Handcuffing Himself To Times Square Pikachu

Bernie Sanders Holds Secret Campaign Meeting With 15,000 Working-Class Democratic Donors

New Patriotic Gatorade Ad Shows Terrorists Being Waterboarded With Gatorade

‘Are You The Whistleblower?’ Trump Boys Ask White House Janitor After Giving Him Serum Of All The Sodas Mixed Together

Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately

Nation’s Top Pseudoscientists Harness High-Energy Quartz Crystal Capable Of Reversing Effects Of Being Gemini

PG&E Makes Amends For Power Outages By Pumping Wires Full Of So Much Electricity That Plugging In Lamp Will Kill You

‘So People Could Be Listening To This Conversation Right Now?’ Asks Joe Rogan Trying To Understand Edward Snowden’s Explanation Of Surveillance

Study Finds Medical Marijuana Effective For Treating Long-Term Pain Over Jerry Garcia’s Death

Old front pages of The Onion newspaper

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