Our Annual Year: Best Of May

Published:

June 1, 2019

Showerhead Self-Conscious About Single Jet That Sprays Sideways

Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now

Liberal Relieved He Never Has To Introspect Again After Assembling All The Correct Opinions

Car Ride Devoted To Explaining What Things Will Be Different About Grandma This Visit

Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect

Bleeding John Bolton Stumbles Into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him

Trump Warns China Not To Underestimate His Willingness To Sacrifice Every American’s Well-Being

Deutsche Bank Begins Removing Possessions From White House After Trump Defaults On Loan

Diners Eating Impossible Burgers Doused With Beet Juice By Protesting Meat-Rights Activists

Trump Reassures Struggling Farmers He Has Never Seen One Of Them And Cannot Be Sure They Even Exist

World Populace Actually Fine With Rich People Dying On Mount Everest

Queen Elizabeth Disappointed In New Royal Baby Boy’s Lack Of Proper Inbreeding

Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve

Stanford Students Admit It Was Pretty Obvious Billionaire’s Dog Didn’t Get In By Itself

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