Our Annual Year: Best Of August

Published:

September 1, 2019

School Administration Reminds Female Students Bulletproof Vests Must Cover Midriff

Every Ingredient In Recipe Substituted To Avoid Trip To Store

Sick Boy’s ‘Visit To Heaven’ Sounding More And More Like Wet Dream

‘Sorry About The Tornado Or Whatever,’ Says Trump Wolfing Down Bowl Of Chili While Consoling El Paso Shooting Victim

Car’s Bumper Stickers Betray A Confusing Hodgepodge Of Sports Loyalties

Trump Attempts To Ease Tensions With Jewish Community By Noting He Also Would’ve Murdered Christ

Crowd Roars In Approval As Makeup-Smeared Trump Begs Rally To Tell Him He’s Beautiful

Pete Buttigieg Charms Crowd At Iowa Truck Stop By Sampling Local Meth

Trump Boys Counter Chinese Currency Manipulation By Adding Extra Zeros To $20 Bills

Aides Struggle To Stop Dozens Of Kerosene-Soaked Republicans From Lighting Selves Ablaze Atop David Koch’s Body

Christ Calls Off Plans For Return After Realizing It’s Been So Long It’ll Be Weird Now

Postal Service Releases Stamp With Anus On It To See If Anyone Cares What’s On Stamps Anymore

Tucker Carlson Insists Every White Supremacist In America Could Fit In Stadium But That Tickets To TuckerCon Won’t Last

Thomas Jefferson: ‘The Tree Of Liberty Must Be Refreshed From Time To Time With The Blood Of Patriots And Tyrants And Kindergarteners And Newlyweds And High-Schoolers And Parents And Teachers And Worshippers And Workers And Occasionally Infants’

Horrified Amazon Worker Awakes From Warehouse Accident To Find Jeff Bezos Welding Mechanical Limbs Onto Stumps Where Arms Used To Be

Old front pages of The Onion newspaper

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