Oscar Mayer Introduces New Filter-Tip Hot Dogs For Healthier Meat-Eating Experience

CHICAGO—Promising customers a better, safer wiener, Oscar Mayer introduced a new line of filter-tip hot dogs Friday to provide what it described as a healthier meat-eating experience. “Light and smooth, just the way you like it, your favorite hot dog brand now comes in filter-tip varieties—pick up a pack today and see for yourself what makes Oscar Mayer Filter Tips so great!” read a press release from the frankfurter and cold-cut producer, which went on to state there was “no credence” to recent studies that had found hot dogs and other processed meats were a major contributor to heart disease and colorectal cancer. “Our research shows that filter-tip hot dogs greatly reduce the sodium, fat, and calories ingested with each bite. Plus, they have a great mild flavor. Next time you’re at the grocery store, choose the hot dog doctors eat!” At press time, Ball Park, Nathan’s, and Hebrew National were reportedly scrambling to release their own filter-tip meat products.