Orchestral Gong Player Serenades Crush

NEWTON, MA—Lending an ear as the young man attempted to convey his innermost feelings through music, area woman Abby Cho was reportedly serenaded outside her home Thursday by her admirer Benjamin Kenilworth, an orchestral gong player. “Abby, if it’s all right, I’d like to play a song for you that’s very special to me,” the lovestruck Kenilworth said moments before he would pick up a large wooden mallet, strike a 40-inch symphonic gong, and then count silently to himself for several minutes before striking it once more. “I know you like Taylor Swift, so my first idea was to play one of her songs, but it turns out she doesn’t use a lot of gong. Anyway, this one’s called Carmina Burana.” Having failed to woo his crush, the rejected troubadour was later seen with his gong at a nearby bus stop, waiting for his ride home and too disconsolate even to busk for tips.