Optimism

Pathetic Goal Reached
Pathetic Goal Reached
Kinko’s Manager Hopes Child Stays Missing A Little Longer
Kinko’s Manager Hopes Child Stays Missing A Little Longer
New Children’s Hospital Filled To Capacity
New Children’s Hospital Filled To Capacity
Mean Automakers Dash Nation’s Hope For Flying Cars
Mean Automakers Dash Nation’s Hope For Flying Cars
Silicon Valley Town Pinning Tourism Hopes On World’s Largest Website
Silicon Valley Town Pinning Tourism Hopes On World’s Largest Website
Couple Brought Together Through Mutual Desperation
Couple Brought Together Through Mutual Desperation
Item Found In Garbage To Be Turned Into Lamp Someday
Item Found In Garbage To Be Turned Into Lamp Someday
Suburban Family Invests Hopes, Dreams In Gas Grill
Suburban Family Invests Hopes, Dreams In Gas Grill
Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time
Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time
Nation’s Students To Give American Education System Yet Another Chance
Nation’s Students To Give American Education System Yet Another Chance
NASA Intern Hoping To Go On Space Walk Before He Leaves In June
NASA Intern Hoping To Go On Space Walk Before He Leaves In June
Ben Affleck Hoping Jason Bourne Has Sidekick In Next Movie
Ben Affleck Hoping Jason Bourne Has Sidekick In Next Movie
Area Man Hoping Cell Phone Breaks So He Can Get Better One
Area Man Hoping Cell Phone Breaks So He Can Get Better One
Self-Help Book Believes It Can Be A Bestseller Someday
Self-Help Book Believes It Can Be A Bestseller Someday
Nation’s Unemployment Outlook Improves Drastically After Fifth Beer
Nation’s Unemployment Outlook Improves Drastically After Fifth Beer
College Senior Hopes To Turn Love Of Data Entry Into Career
College Senior Hopes To Turn Love Of Data Entry Into Career



Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper