Onlookers Realize Beauty Of Love Again After Seeing Dead-Eyed Man Swiping Right On Every Tinder Profile

CHICAGO—Wiping tears of joy from their eyes while describing an emotional early-morning commute, onlookers told reporters Monday that they’d realized the beauty of love again after seeing a dead-eyed man swiping right on every Tinder profile. “I don’t know if it was the way he was blowing through women without even reading their bios, or indiscriminately trying to match with everyone he saw, but…suddenly, I believe in love again,” said bus passenger Camille Jeffries, who added that her heart swelled as she watched the man next to her open up Tinder, Super Like five random profiles in a row, and then increase his distance range from 10 to 20 miles. “Look, I’m no hopeless romantic, but when he clicked on his messages and then copied and pasted the phrase ‘Hey, how are you?’ to dozens of new matches, something deep inside me changed. And then, he closed out of Tinder, and opened up Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid and did the same thing? Maybe there really is someone out there for all of us.” At press time, several onlookers added that while they were skeptical at first, they felt hope when they saw the man sending several women a photo of his penis.