On Sammy Sosa's Strangely Lightening Skin:


“Uh-oh… that’s one of the first symptoms of corking yourself.”

“Suddenly I remember him being much grittier and hard-working than I did before.”

“It’s not as crazy as you think. He paid lots of money so his skin would change color. It’s not like it just happened naturally or anything.”




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper