Offensive Coordinator Draws Up Perfect Play For Crushing Defenseless Photographer On Sideline

GLENDALE, AZ—Laughing to himself as he imagined the unsuspecting person lying under a tangle of players, Eagles offensive coordinator Shane Steichen reportedly drew up a new play Sunday that would perfectly crush a defenseless photographer on the sidelines. “This is perfect—they will never see this coming, and the crowd will love it,” said Steichen, quickly sketching out an unusual trips out-route that he stated would catch any photojournalist on the sideline totally off guard. “We’re just going to overwhelm and confuse them. Everyone will be looking at DeVonta [Smith], and then bam, crushed out of nowhere by A.J. [Brown] diving for the ball. I bet we can even get a few corners to cut their legs out from under them. We are going to totally wreck this guy’s shit.” At press time, the Eagles had been flagged for taunting after A.J. Brown picked up the photographer’s camera and dunked it over the goal post in celebration.