Nurse Hoping That Extra-Comfy ICU Bed Free When She's Admitted As Patient In 2 Weeks

DES MOINES—Calling it the “ideal spot” to get intubated for a prolonged period of time, nurse Tamara King told reporters Wednesday that she’d hoped the extra-comfy ICU bed was free when she was admitted as a patient in two weeks. “Obviously it’s not ideal, but when I do get sick, that remote-controlled MedlinePlus has yours truly’s name on it,” said King, adding that she had already called dibs on the bed back in March and was carefully monitoring patients to make sure it was empty by the time an ambulance brought her in. “Look, I’m not saying it’s perfect or anything, but the room has a tiny window, a little private TV, and it’s near the nurses’ station so when I start to code, someone can come and save me. Plus only, like, 10 people have died in it, so it’s still pretty fresh.” King added that if things really went south, she hoped the ultra-spacious mobile morgue behind the hospital had room for her.