Nonprofit No Longer Recalls Who They Were Originally Planning To Help

BOSTON—Noting that they definitely had some sort of mission statement when they started in 2015, leaders of a local nonprofit told reporters Tuesday that they no longer recall who they were originally planning to help. “Let’s see, I can tell you that we do good in the community, that we look to reduce harmful stigmas, and that our logo is of people holding hands, but, uh, that’s about all I got,” said founder and CEO Alan Jessup, adding that his nonprofit employed dozens of employees, had several lucrative government contracts, and even hosted numerous events such as a 5k, a concert, and a gala at a museum, but he could not for the life of him tell anyone why. “Maybe we help underprivileged youth? Or do we work to help get the unhoused off the streets? Maybe it’s army veterans, single moms, or both? Our name is Forward Momentum, and the ‘M’ has an arrow on the end of it, so probably that has something to do with it.” At press time, Jessup shrugged and said that until he could figure it out, he might as well give himself a raise.