Nikki Haley Announces She Will Marry Trump If Elected President

CHARLESTON, SC—Slamming her 2024 rivals for “not having the guts” to do the same, White House hopeful Nikki Haley announced Thursday that she would marry Donald Trump if elected president. “I promise you that on day one, I will don a flowing white gown and wed former President Donald Trump in a beautiful ceremony in front of the Washington Monument,” said the former South Carolina governor, who vowed to file for divorce from her spouse of 26 years the moment she won the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. “Can any other candidate promise you this? Ask them! I’ll do it myself on the debate stage. And I promise you that within my first 100 days in office, I will have produced an heir.” At press time, candidates Mike Pence, Chris Christie, and Ron DeSantis had followed suit by also promising to marry Trump.