With football training camps underway, Onion Sports is preparing fans for the upcoming 2013 NFL season by ranking players at every position. Here’s a helpful guide to the league’s best linebackers.
10. Luke Kuechly: Look, it’s not his fault he’s on the fucking Panthers
9. Daryl Washington: Though his arrest for aggravated assault one month after receiving a substance abuse–related suspension caused concerns, the linebacker has taken full responsibility for his actions, so that should be the end of that
8. Tamba Hali: Kansas City Chiefs linebacker displays outstanding effort and intensity while relentlessly pursuing a trade to a better team
7. James Harrison: After being released by the Steelers, the 35-year-old Bengals linebacker will be eager to prove that he’s still capable of knocking opposing players unconscious with the crown of his helmet
6. Terrell Suggs: Only playing professional football to fulfill a condition in his father’s will to get access to the Suggs family fortune
5. DeMarcus Ware: Ware possesses the quick feet and dynamic playmaking abilities necessary to keep the Cowboys within a couple of scores at a moment’s notice
4. Clay Matthews: If Matthews continues to perform at a high level, Packers fans can expect him to pick up a healthy portion of the sacks offered by Jay Cutler this season
3. Von Miller: After losing pass rusher Elvis Dumervil to Baltimore this offseason, the Broncos should just be thankful that a fit and ready Miller will be good to go for the season opener against the Ravens
2. Aldon Smith: Knew he wanted to be a linebacker ever since he first picked up a quarterback at age 5
1. Patrick Willis: The 49ers middle linebacker seems to take great pride in wrestling large, sweaty men carrying a ball to the ground, which is kind of weird
